Hmm...
Monday, May 28, 2007
Friday, May 18, 2007
Down, Down
Apparently "rock bottom" wasnt rock bottom.
Besides screwing up my application to NTU, there's still so many areas you can go down.
Had to walk 32km again, not that im complaining. Well maybe i am complaining, for real this time, not the joking kind. Well went through with that and all already, so whats there to say anyway.
Screwed up abit of my COS duty, well just abit. But still that wasnt something that would usually happen. Apologies to the BOS. Jobs given to me these days just hang in the air, getting things done seems... difficult. Procrastination on the other hand seems so comfortable. Getting green eyed, complaining, comparing, things that i'd not usually do seems to have a high frequency.
Fell in skating today. Again something that would not happen, well at least not in this magnitude.
Basically my right knee is a red mess.
Guess its goodbye halcyon days. Never thought i would be saying this but, I have no mood for anything now. Just wanna retreat, think about things, sorts things out.
Hopefully something bad enough is around the corner to slap me back into myself, cause at this rate, i dont think i'd have the strength to even bother anymore and i guess ill just rot away.
Im gonna need alot of time to get back on my feet, both literally and metaphorically.
Besides screwing up my application to NTU, there's still so many areas you can go down.
Had to walk 32km again, not that im complaining. Well maybe i am complaining, for real this time, not the joking kind. Well went through with that and all already, so whats there to say anyway.
Screwed up abit of my COS duty, well just abit. But still that wasnt something that would usually happen. Apologies to the BOS. Jobs given to me these days just hang in the air, getting things done seems... difficult. Procrastination on the other hand seems so comfortable. Getting green eyed, complaining, comparing, things that i'd not usually do seems to have a high frequency.
Fell in skating today. Again something that would not happen, well at least not in this magnitude.
Basically my right knee is a red mess.
Guess its goodbye halcyon days. Never thought i would be saying this but, I have no mood for anything now. Just wanna retreat, think about things, sorts things out.
Hopefully something bad enough is around the corner to slap me back into myself, cause at this rate, i dont think i'd have the strength to even bother anymore and i guess ill just rot away.
Im gonna need alot of time to get back on my feet, both literally and metaphorically.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Long Vacation
Yes shit happens.
NTU has just rejected my application.
Any alternatives? No.
Any hopes left? Nil.
Any anger, disappointment, depression? Maybe.
I'm done and through thinking negatively, so i guess friends can relax.
I mean what can a person do, at the very lowest point of his life when his only hope of a slightly better future is shattered?
Complain? Blame? Take it out on himself? Go on a self destructive pattern that only makes things worst?
Well i guess not me.
I got through that thinking stage back when i was rejected from OCS. (Refer to older posts)
I've got no time to be doing all the above... guess its part and parcel of growing up.
You get numb.
Shit gets thrown in your face, you take it.
Salt gets rubbed into your wound, good, the pain wakes you up.
I guess im the world's biggest push over at this point.
but fuck that, im just like that.
But several things did happen that helped in cushioning the sudden drop in morale.
Kudos to Tommy, for being a good friend, sharing his life story and making me appreciate mine.
Thanks to Lam Heng, ever cheerful,
Victor, Desmond et al
But something unexpected did happen.
I dreamt, of her, instead of who i'd thought i'd dream about.
though that world very much like reality was falling apart around me, she was there.
Well not doing anything at all, just hanging around, just... there.
and her being there, well it brought... comfort, if thats the word
and everything was fine, just like before
The her then,
the her before all the confusion.
Having her around, that rocked.
In the mean time, im back in the fucked up reality.
I guess i'll be taking one hell of a long vacation.
See you when im done
NTU has just rejected my application.
Any alternatives? No.
Any hopes left? Nil.
Any anger, disappointment, depression? Maybe.
I'm done and through thinking negatively, so i guess friends can relax.
I mean what can a person do, at the very lowest point of his life when his only hope of a slightly better future is shattered?
Complain? Blame? Take it out on himself? Go on a self destructive pattern that only makes things worst?
Well i guess not me.
I got through that thinking stage back when i was rejected from OCS. (Refer to older posts)
I've got no time to be doing all the above... guess its part and parcel of growing up.
You get numb.
Shit gets thrown in your face, you take it.
Salt gets rubbed into your wound, good, the pain wakes you up.
I guess im the world's biggest push over at this point.
but fuck that, im just like that.
But several things did happen that helped in cushioning the sudden drop in morale.
Kudos to Tommy, for being a good friend, sharing his life story and making me appreciate mine.
Thanks to Lam Heng, ever cheerful,
Victor, Desmond et al
But something unexpected did happen.
I dreamt, of her, instead of who i'd thought i'd dream about.
though that world very much like reality was falling apart around me, she was there.
Well not doing anything at all, just hanging around, just... there.
and her being there, well it brought... comfort, if thats the word
and everything was fine, just like before
The her then,
the her before all the confusion.
Having her around, that rocked.
In the mean time, im back in the fucked up reality.
I guess i'll be taking one hell of a long vacation.
See you when im done
